danielo

Okay, I'll bite. I'm sick of treating my cat for fleas every 6m onths. No one can give me a permenent solution. Help?

I recommend a large dose of strychnine added to a dish of tuna for the elimination of the common vermin Felis catus, which will, in turn, remove the source of support for the fleas. Voila! You've rid your home of two pests at once, permanently!

Cat Advice:

My Filipino friend Ben says they taste a lot like chicken. Back in the Olde Countrie, they just skewer 'em on a sharp stick, and roast 'em over an open fire. (After "cleaning" them in the fashion of any small mammal, of course.) He says you don't even need to skin 'em - the fire singes the hair right off.

Serve with a side of seasoned rice, and maybe some steamed broccoli. Mmmmmmmmmmm!

(I definitely have a love/hate relationship with cats. We have 2 of 'em, but oft times I wish we had none. Particularly their needing to "mark their territory" - it's NOT their territory!! - and mistaking my garden spot for a litter box.)

My cat's missing, he ran out of apartment last night. NOt a sick question, but any help?

Ben -- You must be careful when opening the door to your apartment for at least the next month, as the vermin may try to return, and may lay in wait to rush inside as you exit. When winter sets in, it may be safe to assume the disgusting creature has been eaten or run over, and you can relax a bit. Congratulations on your new cat-free lifestyle!